A Scottish Joke A Day ...............

[Petra]

Hallo

What do you call six weeks of rain in Fort William?






















The summer holidays 


(uit scottish jokes/ waverley books)


Groetjes Petra

[Toeter]

 

[Petra]

Hallo


An Australian entered a bar and stood beside a Scotsman.

"Where are you from, pal?" asked the Scotsman, after they'd chatted for a while.

"I'm from the finest country in the whole wide world," said the Australian.

"Are you?" said the other. "You have a damn funny accent for a Scotsman."



uit (SJ/ WB) 


Groetjes Petra

[Petra]

Hallo


Notice on Scottish golf club wall:
 Rule No 979: A ball cannot be picked up as lost
at least until it has stopped rolling.


uit (SJ/ WB)


Groetjes Petra

[Wynn]

An English lawyer and a Scotsman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Scotsmen are so dumb that he could put something over on them easily. So the lawyer asks if the Scotsman would like to play a fun game.

The Scotsman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The English lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only £5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500, he says. This catches the Scotsman's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?' The Scotsman doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the Scotsman's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Scotsman and hands him £500. The Scotsman pockets the £500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Scotsman up again and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?' The Scotsman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes back to sleep.



Don't mess with the Scots.

[Petra]

Hallo

Dat is een goeie Wynn 



"I'll have a whisky," said the American visitor
to a Scottish seaside village. "On the rocks."
"You can take it out on the rocks if you like,"
said the girl in the bar, "but mind you bring the
glass back."
"What d'you mean?" said the American. "On
the rocks - I want ice with it."
"This isn't the season for ice," said the girl.
"You'll have to come back in January."

uit SJ/WB


Groetjes Petra 

[McLark(enshoeve)]

grappig gedichtje van John o'Mill

't is niet van een Schot (maar eigenlijk van een Nederlander die in 'koeterwaals'-Engels schrijft), maar hij heeft pakkende grapjes, gedichten en one liners.. ( http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_O'Mill)

The wise old men of our town
all read the papers upside down
because the next day, the why of it,
the papers print the opposite

[Petra]

Hallo

The wise old men of our town
all read the papers upside down
because the next day, the why of it,
the papers print the opposite

Toch opvallend dat het vaak over mannen gaat   


Groetjes Petra

[Petra]

Hallo

De volgende joke is niet voor;
Ilonka, Wilma, Luuk en alle anderen die de volgende vakantie naar Mull gaan.


























A visitor to the Isle of Mull lost his way in the
mist and wandered about the squelching
mountainside for three days. At last the mist
lifted slightly and in the distance he saw a man
striding along with a sherpherd's crook in his
hand.
"Help, help," he called.
The man waited for him to come stumbling
along.
"What's the maitter?" he asked.
"I'm lost," said the visitor pitifully."I've been
lost for three days."
"Is there a reward out for ye, do you think?"
asked the local.
"Oh, I shouldn't think so."
"Well, ye're still lost," said the
local, and walked off into
the mist.

uit SJ/ WB


Groetjes Petra

[marga]

In Peebles zaten we in de campingpub en hoorde deze mop (doet het erg goed na wat glaasjes whiskey)



Whitch Bees give milk???


























Boobees   

[McLark(enshoeve)]

Let 's talk about ...

Two men were sittin' at a bar,
said the one to the other: me and my wife have an Olympic sexlife
The other one, looking impressed: she's that athletic aye?
No, he said, it only takes place once every 4 years

[McLark(enshoeve)]

Bij het topic 'goeiemorgen vroege vogel' hadden we het er al over dat er in sommige branches zo weinig mannen zijn.. MAAR WAAR ZIJN ZE HIER ?      

[It Swarte Skiep]

OK, 

Old Tam, who had lost all his teeth, had a visit from the minister who noted that Tam had a bowl of almonds.
"My brother gave me those, but I don't want them, you can have them" said Old Tam.
The minister tucked into them and he said "That was a funny present to give a man with no teeth."
To which Old Tam replied "Not really, they had chocolate on them..."